Revisiting Visions Men’s Club, Club Eden

So much time has passed since my last post, but so little has changed… let’s get into it, shall we?

What’s New at Visions Men’s Club?

Visions Men's ClubFor starters, the $20 dances are crap now. As many Visions loyalists already know, there is now a strict (well, as strict as it gets at Visions) “no touching” policy in the regular lap dance room. The VIP rooms (the $30 rooms) are basically what the $20 dances used to be. I noticed the bouncer in the VIP area was a little more active than I remember. Walking up and down the aisle every so often … bad vibe.

From what I can gather, this rule was motivated by profit, not some law enforcement crackdown. It sucks, though. Visions’ calling card was always getting affordable dances with decent contact. You weren’t out $100+ dollars after three dances like you were on Bourbon Street. Yeah, $30 for dances is still less than most places on Bourbon (most are $40/song), but this move still feels kinda cheap. And as much as I don’t want to question management’s decision-making ability, I feel this rule could have unintended consequences.

First, it could hurt dancers’ income. Regular lap dances have basically become $20 “air dances” – no touching either way. Who wants that? Penthouse and Rick’s Cabaret both have $20 dance options, but even Penthouse allows the dancers to touch the customers. Rick’s, if I remember correctly, doesn’t. But that’s because the clientele at Rick’s is starkly different than Visions. Visions depends on its regulars. Rick’s is a tourist trap with customers who throw money around stupidly. They don’t know any better. Back to the point … dancers have basically been put into a situation where they have to up-sell for VIP dances. In the VIP rooms, they keep $25 of the $30 (the other $5 goes to the house); they keep 100% of regular lap dance money. So if a customer has $60 to spend on dances, he can do three regular dances for $60 (where the dancers makes $60) or two VIP dances for $60 (where the dancer makes $50).

On crowded nights, it doesn’t matter; they’ll have plenty of customers lining up to buy dances. But for Sunday-Wednesday nights, and for any girls that work the day shift, that’s not good news. Most of Visions’ regulars come with a budget. They’re not going to start withdrawing more cash to do pricier VIP dances – they’re going to cut down on dances.

And it goes without saying that this sucks for customers. Visions was a great locals club because you could get a decent amount of dances without breaking the bank. $100 used to get you five quality dances; now it gets you three quality dances. Visions was the kind of club that you could visit once per week if you wanted to, since drinks were cheaper than on Bourbon (still not cheap, though), parking was free, and dances were well priced. They’re slowly moving away from that.

Wait – Club Eden Underwent Renovation?

Club Eden Metairie

New entrance. You fancy, now…

That’s right. They’ve made it look more like a regular nightclub. They put in a new light display for the main stage, redid the entrance of the club with glass doors, and reduced a lot of the clutter. The bar looks the same. Same old chairs and tables, but they’re in good condition so that doesn’t matter. It’s not Penthouse, but it’s a little more chic than your typical strip club. Oh, and they FINALLY got an actual main stage, with a real stripper pole (not a support beam). The stage is nice … similar to what you’d see at Barely Legal or Deja Vu. Long, oval shaped … elevated but with good views from the stage seats, and pretty well lit. Unfortunately, most of the stage shows are pretty dull. It’s not like Bourbon where the girls will come up to you and pop their ass an inch away from your face.

The selling point of Club Eden, for customers, is the almost nonexistent hustle. There’s basically no pressure from the strippers to buy dances, no pressure from the shot girl to buy shots, the waitresses don’t enforce a one-drink minimum … it’s pleasant. Maybe that attracts cheapskates, but plenty of people who spend money don’t like to be bothered.

I went on Tuesday night, which may be the most crowded night besides Friday. Tuesday is $2 drink specials, so you save money there. And there was a decent crowd. Most clubs on Tuesday night, especially now, are hit or miss. Visions is liable to be dead on a Tuesday night, as are many Bourbon Street clubs. The dancers, overall, are average to above average. Yeah, there are a couple that most men wouldn’t find attractive, but there are four or five girls that could do well at most clubs; young, cute and very shapely. I visited again on Saturday night and found it was mostly the same girls from Tuesday. Less crowded, though. Seriously, how can you not be packed on Saturday night?

Here’s the bottom line on Club Eden: it’s the best you’re going to get from a Metairie strip club. The lap dances are tame by New Orleans standards. The VIP rooms are overpriced considering how little you’re likely to get. The dancers, I found, were mostly disinterested and apathetic; they act as if the dollars will come pouring in just because they work at a strip club. I don’t know if that’s from unmotivated dancers, overbearing management, or the general fear that Jefferson Parish will put an end to any and all strip clubs at the vaguest hint of something fun actually happening. The girls still have to wear pasties. This place is one step above being a bikini bar. It’s too bad … parking is easy, the neighborhood is safe, and the staff there won’t annoy the crap out of you like the staff at Bourbon clubs. I just can’t give a good recommendation to Club Eden. It’s boring – and that’s the worst thing you can say about a strip club.

Club Eden stage

A picture of the main stage posted to Facebook … from a security camera. Stay classy, Club Eden.

About NOLA Strip Club Review

We're here to give you the lowdown on strip clubs in the New Orleans area - Bourbon and beyond.
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5 Responses to Revisiting Visions Men’s Club, Club Eden

  1. Michael says:

    I really appreciate your blog and it has helped me immensely in my choices on where to go in NOLA. I’ve never been to Visions, though I had been planning on stopping in one Sunday night, based on your blog here. It sounds like it used to be the place to go for off Bourbon strip club action. It sounds like I don’t have to plan a visit anymore. It really is the contact that separates the clubs. I’ve been to Rick’s, the women were smoking hot, but the lack of contact and up-selling kills it for anyone with half enough sense and sobriety to know they’re being price-raped. The one time I’ve gone there I was lucky enough to get a girl in for the week from Tampa, who was very liberal with the two-way contact, even in the downstairs lap dance area. It doesn’t seem like that would be the norm though.

    Keep the posts coming man, and hopefully Visions will wise up and try to cater to the customers some more.

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    • I’m happy you’re enjoying the posts! Obviously I don’t write these posts for money … I started this blog because there was no other resource for NOLA strip clubs.

      It’s funny you mentioned a dancer from Tampa. I had a similar experience at Penthouse. A girl who worked at 2001 Odyssey was dancing there for the weekend, and the dances she gave were about as good as the floor staff would’ve allowed (for a non-suite). It shows you how poor New Orleans strip clubs are when compared to other cities.

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  2. Anonymous says:

    Thank. You. For. This. Friend of mine and I are traveling to NO next weekend for WrestleMania and Visions was on the list due to the first review. It’s now off. We’ll likely stick to Passions for out-of-Quarter fun. Going to try to get him to check out Penthouse after WM. Sounds more like a “tourist attraction” than “actual club” – kind-of like King of Diamonds in Miami, minus the hip hop feel – but it still might be worth checking out for the visuals.

    Funny 2001 Odyssey came up in the comment above. That’s my favorite place other than Tootsies in Miami (I’m from South Florida). I was disappointed to hear that Rick’s isn’t as much fun…but thankful to know in advance. Also thankful for finding out that I should temper my FL-based expectations. Actually, thanks for everything – it’s especially appreciated by us visitors.

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  3. Keith says:

    I’m new to the area and Club Eden is just a few minutes away from me so even after reading reviews I decided to go anyway. Here’s my opinion: the parking kind of sucks but its not horrible. I went on a Thursday and it was a $10 cover and $2 drinks, also not horrible. Bartender was a very nice polite cute blonde girl. Actually in my opinion she was one of the prettiest girls there. The dancers looked bored and uninterested. Nobody was on stage. Only one dancer talked to me. She was friendly, not pushy, but obviously wanted me to spend money on her. After we talked for a while she went on stage. It was a tame, lackluster performance. No pole tricks, no fancy dance moves. I tipped her a couple bucks anyways. After her stage show I went for a “lap dance”. It wasn’t the worst dance I ever had, but definitely not worth $30. Was kind of boring. I don’t care about mileage or extras or whatever you want to call it, but it at least has to be fun. I let her keep the change from the two 20’s I paid with just to be nice. She didn’t say anything. Not even a “thanks”. Literally she said nothing. I went back to my seat expecting her to come talk again. She just went to the bar and drank a beer. So basically I paid $10 for cover, $4 for two drinks, tipped $3 to the bartender and $40 for a dance plus $5 for stage show tip. $60 total. I might go again in the future but only for cheap-ish drinks and a tame stage show. Basically its just a bar with girls in bikinis. Skip the lap dances.

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    • This was pretty much just like my last experience at Club Eden. Instead the dancer started our lap dance in the middle of the song. I paid $30 for half a song. The place sucks. They’ve got good drink specials on Tuesday and Thursday, but what’s the point if the stage shows and lap dances are awful?

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