I’ve never been to one of the famed ‘Asian massage parlors’ that you hear about from time to time. Until recently, I didn’t even know where to find one. They don’t advertise at all, and people are usually more guarded about discussing them. My guess… most Asian massage parlors don’t have a very deep client base, but get lots of repeat customers. But that’s just a guess.
I had the opportunity to speak with someone who visited Hollywood Spa, an Asian massage parlor located in downtown New Orleans, while at a strip club. Not sure how the conversation started, but something to the effect of strip clubs being rip-offs; Asian massage parlors, he said, give you far more bang for your buck (pun intended). Strip clubs are more social places. You can talk with your friends, one of the bartenders, or with the dancers. This isn’t the case at Asian massage parlors. There’s more communication in general at strip clubs; the strippers won’t sell many dances if they don’t talk to anyone.
The guy I spoke with said you don’t speak to the masseuse very much. You walk in and the first girl available tends to you. You don’t get to see the different girls and choose which one you like. He said you can request another girl, but that assumes you’ve been there before and know of another masseuse. Prices are pre-negotiated and standard for every girl. No haggling. You get your massage, and whatever else you decided to pay for, and go. No drinks, no chatting. In and out – not stay and relax.
I tried to ask as many questions as possible. Here’s the conversation as I remember it. Keep in mind I didn’t have a notepad or recorder or anything – it was at a strip club. I tried to write it from his perspective.
Hollywood Spa is nestled between two buildings on University Place. Easy to miss if you don’t know where it is, and you’ve probably walked by it without even noticing. The entrance is nothing more than a staircase. To get in, you have to go through two bolted doors – both of which require you to ring in so they can unlock them.
That’s how I imagine prison. Anyway, back to his story…
When you get in, one of the girls will quickly greet you and bring you back to one of the private massage rooms. The fee when you walk in the door is $60. That covers the table shower and body massage. What happens afterward is paid for separately.
I asked about the shower. He elaborated…
I walked into a small shower cubicle with a bed in it with a rubber top. (Like what old people use. Or hospitals.) You lay face-down on it and she starts scrubbing you with one of those shower poofs. At that point, I was desperately hoping that thing had been sanitized. Then she flips you over, scrubs, and towels you off. I found it disappointing… like I thought more was going to happen there.
Okay, now to the part we’re all curious about – what happens next?
After the shower, you go back into the room and she’ll give you a standard massage. Like a regular one, except you’re naked. It only lasts for about 10-15 minutes, probably closer to 10 minutes. The massage is OK; it’s not like they’re going to work out any back pain or put much effort into loosening you up. The real “action” doesn’t happen until the regular massage is over. Then she asks what you want to do. A handjob is $60, a BJ is $100, and the full package is $140.
The conversation sorta ended there. We didn’t get much into specifics at that point. He told me he’s been there a bunch of times and has had every service offered. He joked about the first time getting a handjob, saying he thought she was going to pull it off she was stroking so hard. However… he said these girls were pros. They know what they’re doing and you’ll enjoy yourself. I asked about how the girls were, and he said they’re mostly Vietnamese girls in their 30s and maybe 40s. Most of them aren’t complete knock-outs, but you won’t find yourself in a situation where the girl is just flat unattractive. He also mentioned some place called the Lily Pad out in New Orleans East.
Asian massage parlors never appealed to me, and after hearing his take, I don’t think much has changed. This is still NOLA Strip Club Review, but I thought some of our readers might appreciate hearing this.