Strip Club Review: Visions Men’s Club

Visions is probably the best you’re going to get from a neighborhood club, sadly. Don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of good things to say about Visions. The cover is relatively cheap, the drink prices are reasonable (for a strip club), and the lap dances are fairly inexpensive. There’s plenty of free parking and a parking lot attendant to make sure no one breaks into your car. It’s definitely a safe atmosphere.

Add to that the friendly bartenders and floor staff. They’re all very likeable. However, some of these girls are just awful people. They’re aggressive, unfriendly, and feel the customers should kiss their ass. It’s a shame because most of the girls are cool, but a handful of rotten apples can spoil an entire night.

The Details

Location:
4000 Downman Road
New Orleans, LA 70126
Visions Men’s Club website

Cover:
$8 after 7:00 PM (free beer ticket included); $4 before 7:00 PM (free beer ticket included)
Free Admission Coupon  (or download from Visions website)

Hours of Operation:

Monday-Thursday – 11:00AM-3:00AM
Friday & Saturday – 11:00AM-4:00AM
Sunday – 4:00PM-2:00AM

Drink Prices:
Domestic Beer – $4
Imported Beer – $5
Wine – $4
Red Bull – $6
Water/Soda – $3
Mixed Drinks – $6
Patron – $9
Grey Goose – $9
Chivas Regal – $9
Crown Royal – $9
Hennessy – $12
Crown Reserve – $12
Grand Marnier – $12
Glenfiddich – $12
Shots – $2-$4 (different shot girls charge different prices)

Lap Dances:
Table Dances – $20 per song
VIP – $30 per song
Party Room – $150 half-hour; $300 full hour (a $50-$100 tip is sometimes requested from dancers, especially for the half-hour Party Room)

The Interior

It’s what you’d expect from a neighborhood strip club. The bathroom is nice, but the rest of the club is basically an old, shitty bar. It’s clean and structurally sound, but you can tell they didn’t invest much in the interior. There is no seating away from the bar, which doubles as the stage. There is one stage that the dancers will go for a “warm up” (which is actually pretty fun to hang out if there’s a girl you like), but you are forced to stay at the bar and tip every girl that passes by. This, in my opinion, is not patron-friendly. Some of these girls are downright disgusting, and it pains me that I have to give up money for a show I never wanted. But if the girls are hot, it’s a great deal. One thing that sucks is the chairs are bolted to the ground. Considering the bar is pretty high and the bar stools are short, it doesn’t make for the best viewing experience.

There are two lap dance areas, the table dance area and the VIP. The table dance area ($20 room) is one large room (separate from the rest of the club) with leather bench seating. The three benches in the room are each about ten feet long. There is nothing separating patrons from one another. However, there is no staff or security member patrolling the area (there are cameras, though). There is plenty of “two-way touching” in the table dance area. Although the club takes no cut from the $20 room, dancers usually don’t negotiate special prices and deals for customers. There’s not much haggling at Visions.

The VIP rooms ($30 per song) offer more privacy. Each customer gets their own booth in the VIP section. Unfortunately, there is no curtain to close off the booth. Each booth does have a camera and a staff member patrols the VIP area routinely, so if something illegal were happening a staff member would be able to see it clearly. Some girls give better dances here (though not all do), but I’m not sure you get 50% more touching for 50% additional cost.

The Party Rooms ($150 per half hour) are huge. There’s plenty of seating for a large group. The Party Rooms are completely closed off and there are no staff members present. There is a camera but I’m not sure how effective they are with the lights dimmed (nevertheless, the lighting is still pretty good and you can see very well).

One last thing: this is the smokiest bar I’ve ever been to, bar none. I guarantee your clothes will reek after spending just ten minutes there.

The Personnel

There are over 200 different girls at Visions in a given month, and the dancers there have the greatest degree of variance I’ve ever seen. I’ve met some wonderful girls who are extremely personable and polite, and some that are a waste of the air they breathe. Many of the girls will aggressively (and annoyingly) push lap dances and will act like a total bitch if you decline. That gets frustrating. And that doesn’t include the ones that get drunk and aggravate the hell out of everyone. That’s even worse. Here’s what I think the problem is: not many dancers at Visions have a life outside of stripping (at least a professional life). This is all they got, and I imagine I’d be bitter too if my life were summed up as object for lonely, old, fat guys (I know that sounds incredibly condescending, but there’s some truth to that).

As for how hot the girls are…that’s also hit-or-miss. Visions has some beautiful dancers – and some dregs. This is the best explanation I’ve heard: Visions is filled with 6-to-8s, with the occasional 10 and the occasional 4 sprinkled in.

The rest of the staff is cool and very relaxed. The bartenders won’t give you shit if you stop drinking, and the doormen are friendly. The problem is there’s nobody to step in once things to out of control. At Visions, the inmates run the asylum. An unruly stripper would get handled at Penthouse or Rick’s, but not here.

Something I really dislike about Visions is how many shot girls they have running around (which pains me to say, since the shot girls are typically much friendlier than the dancers). Nobody likes those disgusting drinks, but they guilt you into buying one whenever you talk to one of the girls. And then they want to do a show where the both drink a shot and then make out. Trust me, it’s not enjoyable and it’s not sexy. It’s a waste of your money.

One final note: Visions tends to slow down at around 2:00AM. If you plan on going out, try to get there around 11:00PM on weekdays and midnight-1:00AM on Fridays and Saturdays. This is a locals’ joint so if you plan on heading out at around 3:00AM or later – I’d strongly recommend going to Bourbon.

UPDATE: Check out my latest review for Visions Men’s Club: Revisiting Visions Men’s Club