Strip Club Review: Visions Men’s Club

Visions Men's ClubVisions is probably the best you’re going to get from a neighborhood club, sadly. Don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of good things to say about Visions. The cover is relatively cheap, the drink prices are reasonable (for a strip club), and the lap dances are fairly inexpensive. There’s plenty of free parking and a parking lot attendant to make sure no one breaks into your car. It’s definitely a safe atmosphere.

Add to that the friendly bartenders and floor staff. They’re all very likeable. However, some of these girls are just awful people. They’re aggressive, unfriendly, and feel the customers should kiss their ass. It’s a shame because most of the girls are cool, but a handful of rotten apples can spoil an entire night.

The Details

Location:
4000 Downman Road
New Orleans, LA 70126
Visions Men’s Club website

Cover:
$8 after 7:00 PM (free beer ticket included); $4 before 7:00 PM (free beer ticket included)
Free Admission Coupon  (or download from Visions website)

Hours of Operation:

Monday-Thursday – 11:00AM-3:00AM
Friday & Saturday – 11:00AM-4:00AM
Sunday – 4:00PM-2:00AM

Drink Prices:
Domestic Beer – $4
Imported Beer – $5
Wine – $4
Red Bull – $6
Water/Soda – $3
Mixed Drinks – $6
Patron – $9
Grey Goose – $9
Chivas Regal – $9
Crown Royal – $9
Hennessy – $12
Crown Reserve – $12
Grand Marnier – $12
Glenfiddich – $12
Shots – $2-$4 (different shot girls charge different prices)

Lap Dances:
Table Dances – $20 per song
VIP – $30 per song
Party Room – $150 half-hour; $300 full hour (a $50-$100 tip is sometimes requested from dancers, especially for the half-hour Party Room)

The Interior

Visions Men's Club VIPIt’s what you’d expect from a neighborhood strip club. The bathroom is nice, but the rest of the club is basically an old, shitty bar. It’s clean and structurally sound, but you can tell they didn’t invest much in the interior. There is no seating away from the bar, which doubles as the stage. There is one stage that the dancers will go for a “warm up” (which is actually pretty fun to hang out if there’s a girl you like), but you are forced to stay at the bar and tip every girl that passes by. This, in my opinion, is not patron-friendly. Some of these girls are downright disgusting, and it pains me that I have to give up money for a show I never wanted. But if the girls are hot, it’s a great deal. One thing that sucks is the chairs are bolted to the ground. Considering the bar is pretty high and the bar stools are short, it doesn’t make for the best viewing experience.

There are two lap dance areas, the table dance area and the VIP. The table dance area ($20 room) is one large room (separate from the rest of the club) with leather bench seating. The three benches in the room are each about ten feet long. There is nothing separating patrons from one another. However, there is no staff or security member patrolling the area (there are cameras, though). There is plenty of “two-way touching” in the table dance area. Although the club takes no cut from the $20 room, dancers usually don’t negotiate special prices and deals for customers. There’s not much haggling at Visions.

The VIP rooms ($30 per song) offer more privacy. Each customer gets their own booth in the VIP section. Unfortunately, there is no curtain to close off the booth. Each booth does have a camera and a staff member patrols the VIP area routinely, so if something illegal were happening a staff member would be able to see it clearly. Some girls give better dances here (though not all do), but I’m not sure you get 50% more touching for 50% additional cost.

The Party Rooms ($150 per half hour) are huge. There’s plenty of seating for a large group. The Party Rooms are completely closed off and there are no staff members present. There is a camera but I’m not sure how effective they are with the lights dimmed (nevertheless, the lighting is still pretty good and you can see very well).

One last thing: this is the smokiest bar I’ve ever been to, bar none. I guarantee your clothes will reek after spending just ten minutes there.

The Personnel

There are over 200 different girls at Visions in a given month, and the dancers there have the greatest degree of variance I’ve ever seen. I’ve met some wonderful girls who are extremely personable and polite, and some that are a waste of the air they breathe. Many of the girls will aggressively (and annoyingly) push lap dances and will act like a total bitch if you decline. That gets frustrating. And that doesn’t include the ones that get drunk and aggravate the hell out of everyone. That’s even worse. Here’s what I think the problem is: not many dancers at Visions have a life outside of stripping (at least a professional life). This is all they got, and I imagine I’d be bitter too if my life were summed up as object for lonely, old, fat guys (I know that sounds incredibly condescending, but there’s some truth to that).

As for how hot the girls are…that’s also hit-or-miss. Visions has some beautiful dancers – and some dregs. This is the best explanation I’ve heard: Visions is filled with 6-to-8s, with the occasional 10 and the occasional 4 sprinkled in.

The rest of the staff is cool and very relaxed. The bartenders won’t give you shit if you stop drinking, and the doormen are friendly. The problem is there’s nobody to step in once things to out of control. At Visions, the inmates run the asylum. An unruly stripper would get handled at Penthouse or Rick’s, but not here.

Something I really dislike about Visions is how many shot girls they have running around (which pains me to say, since the shot girls are typically much friendlier than the dancers). Nobody likes those disgusting drinks, but they guilt you into buying one whenever you talk to one of the girls. And then they want to do a show where the both drink a shot and then make out. Trust me, it’s not enjoyable and it’s not sexy. It’s a waste of your money.

One final note: Visions tends to slow down at around 2:00AM. If you plan on going out, try to get there around 11:00PM on weekdays and midnight-1:00AM on Fridays and Saturdays. This is a locals’ joint so if you plan on heading out at around 3:00AM or later – I’d strongly recommend going to Bourbon.

UPDATE: Check out my latest review for Visions Men’s Club: Revisiting Visions Men’s Club

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13 Responses to Strip Club Review: Visions Men’s Club

  1. afjk says:

    The manager today was an ass. I tried to speak with the hispanic looking guy about a bachelor party for my son and he was very rude, short, and snide as if he didn’t have time to speak with me. I got the vibe like he thought he was better then me. The girls all look like they are on drugs except the really huge hideous looking black girls. There was one girl that appeared to have a white rock fall from her nose. The same group of girls surrounded me seemed to have had dialated pupils and runny noses not whiping them with tissue but with their hands! YUCK! The club reaked of marijauna and so did some of the girls. This one chick offered to take me to the back for a half hr and then an extra hundred bucks would blow me. Disgusting! The fat bartender couldn’t make a good mixed drink to save his life! Go with a beer instead. After the way the Manager treated me when I was trying to set up business I will not be going back. I will be going to Ricks or the Penthouse house instead.

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    • I believe you’re speaking of Tony, but I can’t verify that yet. I’m not sure who the day manager is on weekdays.

      Visions during the weekdays is sketch. Thursday and Friday nights are good; Tuesdays and Wednesdays suck. The girls on the night shift are exponentially hotter than during the day.

      Penthouse is my personal favorite club in New Orleans, but you’ll spend a fortune if you drink a lot (especially mixed drinks). The cover sucks too. There are a few gems at Visions, but unfortunately you have to sift through the rubble to find something good. IMO, avoid Rick’s.

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      • KAM says:

        Tony is an AWESOME manager! He may have been a little busy dealing with things behind the scene. I’m sure he didn’t mean to come across that way. Must have just been a bad day. You should come check it out again. If you do I hope you have a better time.

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      • I agree completely. Tony has been nothing but gracious every time I’ve spoken with him, although I haven’t talked with him that much.

        Besides…there are better places than Visions to have a bachelor party. You may end up paying more, but I’ve never understood why Visions is such a popular bachelor party destination.

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  2. Anonymous says:

    maybe you were black – their racist.

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    • Racist against whom? I’m a white guy and I’ve never felt discriminated against in the slightest. Considering the owner, night shift manager, and most of the bartenders and bouncers are white, I find it hard believe they’re prejudiced against whites at Visions. Perhaps you had a bad experience, which is certainly believable. What happened?

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  3. anonymous says:

    My husband (almost became ex husband) used to go to Vision’s and I know from experience if you ask for “favors” outside the bar, most of the girls are very open, so to speak, especially if you have an open wallet. I’ve seen the old website with the girls pictures and I wouldn’t even rate them higher than an occasional 6, most of them being 4 or lower. Just sayin’.

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    • I don’t doubt that one bit. Some girls will even grant favors inside the club. Mostly in the Party Rooms, but I’ve heard a few stories about BJs in the VIP.

      Visions’ website sucks. Half of it is dysfunctional or unreadable. The old website had tons of pictures of the dancers; the new one only has a few. Maybe the girls are skeptical to post pictures of themselves since it’ll associate them with a strip club. Look at what happened to Sarah Tressler. A lot of the girls at Visions have second jobs and could get terminated if their bosses find out about them stripping.

      Back to “favors” – you won’t end up saving any money by renting a hotel room and having them meet you there. Even though you’ll bypass the house fee at the club, they’ll still charge you extra for their time (although they’ll probably spend more than hour with you at a room, maybe even the night).

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    • Anonymous says:

      Same here. My husband (almost ex) went this week for the workboat show. I caught through texts. Of course he asked for a blowjob but in turn she asked for his “bird” in her words. So we r not getting a divorce b/c she was too expensive for my husband who makes a lot of $. I know the girls who work there love workboat show week b/c they know these men r looking to play in the “trash can”. The girls think they will go home with one and hit the jackpot. Well, newsflash stripper/prostitites– these men have filet mignon at home, sometimes they want a frozen burger. The wives these men have make y’all look like y’all are fresh out of the crack house. They will never leave their trophy wives and their children. You girls r pathetic and so r the men who give u $.

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  4. Avon says:

    Its saturday, and I just came back from Visions. That was by far the worst strip joint I’ve ever been to. Staff was nice enough, but the setup where you sit by the bar is the most outrageous money machine I’ve experienced.
    There were about 10 unattractive strippers going in circles, and they were running like they were on fire. At one point there was even a queue where I was sitting. And they don’t even try. They wiggle their a$$e$ and instantly kneel down for the dollar.
    If you like pretending you’re an ATM, this is the place for you. If not, go somewhere else and pay a little extra for the drinks. It’ll be cheaper in the long run. And you might even get to see a girl smile.

    Like

    • That’s awful to hear, because Visions’ lineup is (usually) pretty strong on Saturday days and nights. I really should have emphasized that Visions’ setup for stage dances is either love it or hate it (and yes, everyone hates it when the dancers are ugly and you’re still forced to tip them). I like variety, so I like the setup. I like having “face time” with each of the dancers and having the opportunity to ask a girl I like for a dance. How many strippers were there? There’s always a handful of unattractive girls, but usually there’s a handful of good looking girls that balances everything out.

      The attitude of the girls is another issue. Visions hires tons of girls and doesn’t train newbies very well. There’s a chance that some of the girls were nervous being on stage and had trouble making eye contact. Some of them are just miserable and don’t want to be there – and their body language gives it away. Regardless, it’s a problem management needs to address, but I don’t put much stock into the management at Visions.

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      • Avon says:

        I’m not sure about the numbers, but I would say 8 girls on the bar, and maybe a similar number, working the floor.

        Like

      • 16 girls (or anywhere in that ballpark) still isn’t much for a Saturday. It’s possible there were a lot of girls either in the Party Rooms or VIP. I used to go to Visions during the day shift on Saturday a lot, but I just don’t like the bartender they have on the day shift (too slow and too rude). What other clubs do you like?

        Like

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